John the Butler

Butler
Just before the onslaught of monsters, I took the *WEAPON* into the *LOCATION* for a basic dusting. If anyone had tried to sneak in, I would have noticed!

Butler
There is no way someone could have summoned the monsters with the *WEAPON*. At the time of the attack, I was busy buffing out the scratches on the handle while sitting in the *LOCATION*.

Butler
When the monsters appeared, I was playing around with the *WEAPON* in the *LOCATION*. Please don’t tell Curry that I was slacking off… he would fire me for sure!

Butler
*SUSPECT* couldn’t have dunit. They were with me when I was polishing the *WEAPON* right before the monsters appeared!

Butler
The monsters couldn’t have been possessed by the *WEAPON*, because I distinctively remember seeing it as I was headed to the *LOCATION* to clean up.

Butler
All I know is that it couldn’t have been *SUSPECT*, because I was busy chit-chatting with them in the *LOCATION* when the monsters were summoned.

Butler
I know for a fact that *SUSPECT* is innocent. The two of us were admiring the crown moulding in the *LOCATION* when the monsters appeared.

Butler
Right before the monsters appeared, *SUSPECT* and I were hanging out in the *LOCATION*, catching up on old times. Did you know I used to date their best friend?

Butler
*SUSPECT* is innocent, I tell yah! They were helping me clean the *LOCATION* when someone summoned the monsters!